I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
