Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
