is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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