he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
