I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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