look no pants
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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