I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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