i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
