I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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