guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize