so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
