I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
