I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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