My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
He felt like a one man threesome
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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