All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
