I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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