chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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