i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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