Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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