did you get engaged???
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
