my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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