he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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