i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
