I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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