just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
