Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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