I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
