Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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