come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Randomize
