youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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