Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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