is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
