He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
