ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Let's get the cat blown out
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
