i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
