The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
