Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
