You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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