FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
