Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
