You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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