My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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