I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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