You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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