and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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