I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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