If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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