Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
