2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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