The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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