I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
