cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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