I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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