youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
