So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
