I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
