is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
