I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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