I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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