I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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