my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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